I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die

What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts?

You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you.

You just want a way out and you’re left wondering:

Where’s the healing you prayed for?
If you’re doing everything right, why doesn’t God fix this?
Why can’t you be the joyful Christian everyone expects you to be?

If you’ve asked, “What’s wrong with me?” and wondered if anybody cares, you’re not alone.

There is hope.

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Cover Image of book I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die is a compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days.

In the book, you’ll discover:

How to break free from the shame and stigma of depression, suicidal thoughts, and mental illness. An abundant, hope-filled life can be yours.
How to get the help you need, even when you feel like you’ve tried everything.
Why your life doesn’t have to be defined by depression. You’ll learn to find peace in your struggles and a path toward thriving.
How to reconnect with a God who refuses to leave and partner with him in your own healing.

You are worth everything it takes to get better.

Order the book to receive exclusive bonuses!

Individual

Buy 1 Book and Receive:

Journal Prompts
Spotify Playlist
Guided prayer practice videos with Sarah
Access to a vibrant community of readers for community and support

Groups

Buy 5 Books and Receive:

All of the individual bonuses plus
Small Group Study Guide
Facilitator Guide & Support Resources
Intro, Checking In & Final Videos from Sarah

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For bulk purchases over 5 copies, please check with your favorite retailer in-store or online.

You can also contact my publisher at churches@penguinrandomhouse.com or ministries@penguinrandomhouse.com to learn more about discounts.

Even if you’re not a church or ministry, you can still email them and make bulk purchases through Penguin Random House.

About the Author

Sarah J. Robinson once believed her lifelong battle with depression made her a bad Christian. Now she’s an author and speaker who helps others discover that mental illness doesn’t disqualify them from living rich, beautiful lives in Christ. Drawing from a decade of ministry experience and the mental health field, Sarah helps readers fight for wholeness and cultivate joy. She lives in Nashville with her husband.

In this debut book, Sarah offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. She shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the chuch.

Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in your deepest anguish.

Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.

What Others Are Saying

K.J. Ramsey

Professional Counselor & Author

“In this book, Robinson places a candle in the middle of our darkness. By talking about the things Christians have too long kept hidden and hushed, she gives us room to hear our truest name: beloved.”

Kay Warren

Co-founder of Saddleback Church

“There are excellent books about depression and suicidal thoughts, and even a few written by those with lived experience, but I Love Jesus But I Want to Die is a one of a kind book. Sarah Robinson opens to us the journal she kept during some of her worst days, giving the reader a tender glimpse of her intense struggles and suffering, as well as the beautiful hope she has found over time without trying to tie a pretty “bow” around serious depression. This is a book to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized. This is a really good book.

Aundi Kolber

Therapist & Author

“In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah Robinson brings her hard earned wisdom and the compassionate heart of a fellow traveler to the page. Sarah's words are a needed and helpful guide for folks who are navigating the difficult terrain of depression, trauma, and mental illness--while also looking for ways to experience Jesus in the midst of the storm. It's my privilege to highly recommend this important book.”

Jeff Goins

Author & Speaker

“This book is a beautiful heart-break, a necessary look at the hard stuff we’d rather avoid talking about, and one we need now more than ever. For those struggling for a reason to keep going, and for those who love them: this is a must-read.”

Jonathan Merritt

Author

“I've battled the dragon of depression ever since I was in college, so I know firsthand how painful it can be. And since I've been a churchgoer since childhood, I also know how ill-equipped most churches are to help people survive it, much less fight it. I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die is a tender, practical guide for people of faith who struggle with depression. It weaves together vulnerable storytelling with simple practices to help you love yourself well, even when the dark cloud grows thick. Sarah Robinson has written a book I have needed for years. My only disappointment is that it didn't exist sooner.”

Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Neuropsychologist & Author

“Sarah writes with compassion, and shares the truths that depression does not equate with failure, God is no less present in our pain but may use our pain to teach us about His character, and we are no less loveable in the pit than we are on life’s mountain tops. This book is a reminder that in the valley of depression, people will fail you—including church goers and some mental health professionals—but God will not.”